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A Trip Inside My Deepest Fears

A Trip Inside My Deepest Fears

These days, the most important person in my life left…

Irina went to the United States! For the first time, she left and I stayed.

We’ve been traveling together non-stop and also living abroad for a long time.

We’re sharing the same room and all the little things.

We’re fighting over the non-sense things, but always go to sleep content.

So, what do you do when the most important person in your life leaves?

Last days, I found myself crying. I found myself lost. I found myself alone. I found myself scared.

I also had my reasons.

Two summers ago, life almost took her away from me. We got back in Romania just in time to avoid the biggest trauma that could have ever happen.

But, let’s get back a little. Why did I REALLY cry?

Because I need to learn to be alone at home. And this might be scary when you’re doing it for the first time.

I liked the idea of the “Manciu Traveling Sisters” or the idea of “The Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants”.

Also, a part of me always wanted to become better FOR HER.

A part of me always wanted to be her ROLE MODEL, her guide.

A part of me always wanted to show “What a great sis I am…”

My temptation was always to overprotect her. Unfortunately, this looks more like a dependency …

And dependency means crying.

So, what do you do when the most important person in your life leaves?

You learn to let go.

You decide to grow-up together, but on separate ways.

My heart is full of gratitude.

My sister is now having the trip of her life!

I trust her completely.

She is on the way to become a more mature being.

And this trip doesn’t include me. Nobody can do this for her. Just her, alone.

What might seem like a “crying situation” is, in fact, the biggest blessing I can have for this summer.

Because by being away, Irina is helping me with the biggest challenge of my life.

She is helping me move my focus. My attention. My energy. 

Love is the capacity of being alone.

Love is the capacity of letting the other go, knowing that they’ll be fine and their happiness doesn’t depend on you.

Love is being able to share, to go into the deepest core of the other without possessing, without dragging, without becoming dependent and without becoming addicted.

Love is freedom.

Love is evolution.

Love is offering space for growing and self-development.

Love is watering the plants and having no certainty if they’ll grow.

My room is empty now.

But I trust that when it will be full again, we will have a greater perspective upon the world and our souls.

See you on the other side,